Top of The Wines Christmas

I blame Noddy Holder…

 

Do you heed warnings?

It’s a simple enough question, don’t you think, at least in most people’s minds. An emphatic yes or no followed by a full stop, before we move on – except if you’re a politician, in which case there are more greys than a Farrow and Ball colour chart.

So, as the clock ticks down, I say, boldly and with underlining and a lot of capitals – You Have Been Warned!

It is almost that time of year my friends and disparate readers of festive gloom. The leaves have  fallen, the mornings are grey and the evenings darker. Yesterday I witnessed a thousand or more geese honking and squawking through the washed-out autumn sky as they wheeled south to warmer climes. Lucky them.

Indoors, the clock of nature moves inevitably towards a time of rising bewilderment, angst and festive disappointment as we await, with a dose of holistic halitosis, and regardless of the best endeavours of Rachel from Accounts (apologies, an in joke – see Reeves), the inevitable clash of musical anti-melody and blatant commercialism that is the Christmas Number One. 

Christmas Number Ones are a thing of legend. It is as rooted in Christmas tradition as Black Friday, Ebeneezer Scrooge and Bad-joke crackers. The annual unleashing of demi-festive ballads by Xmas-jumper-wearing songsters, complete with happy families, fake snow and enough BonHomme to sink a relatively large ‘Made in China’ container ship; all of it complete with sleighbells, smaltzy lyrics and an ambiguous attempt to cash in on a previous hit. As a child, I remember seeing Wizard on TOTP and was mesmerized; (for those young enough to have been born after the invention of Elon Musk, TOTP = Top Of The Pops). Wizard were a highly questionable band of dubious character, wearing weird costumes and platform shoes as they belted out a crazy Christmas song with lung-busting musical enthusiasm in front of bemused teenagers, whilst adorned with non-flame-retardant tinsel. The 1970’s had a lot to answer for.

Wizard was my first memorable Christmas Number One.  I was only 10, and at that time of life, I wasn’t allowed alcohol. I can now understand why my parents drank gin during TOTP – modern earplugs hadn’t been invented – or, for that matter, had the ipod … the Sony Walkman, Donald Trump or the Kardashians – Life was indeed simple. A playlist wasn’t yet possible as cassettes hadn’t become mainstream, so I never had the chance to put a Festive playlist together ... until now.

And so, with the briefest of nods to my familial integrity, I shall lead you, dazed and bewildered, through a musical memory, a virtuosa Playlist of Christmas Numbers Ones, all festive ear-worms in their own inimitable right, and, to cash in on the blatant commercialism that we see every Black Friday, I have partnered each dirge-like ditty with a bottle of a wine of remarkable quality.

It beats gin

You have been warned.

 

Mary’s Boy Child – Harry Belafonte (1957)

A song of grace, softness and yet deeply rich and elegant. In my mind I imagine drinking Champagne with this on in the background. As a Christmas Number One, Harry Belafonte proves that some things are both age-worthy and resonant. We could start in 1952 with Al Martino, but for me this is where it all started.

Wine partner - Champagne Gardet Premier Cru NV

A wine of greatest intensity, deeply resonant and richly structured, it is without question the finest Champagne on the market, and unbelievable VFM. Trust me, you will thank me for this advice.

I Feel Fine – The Beatles (1964)

Understandably overlooked in a line-up of festive Tunes, (‘cos it doesn’t mention The Big C anywhere), this Beatles Big Beltie shows that 2 billion screaming teenage girls can’t be wrong, and that Liverpool is responsible for more than a Gerry Pacemaker and the world’s supply of Vauxhall Astra’s.

Wine Partner – Big Beltie Cabernet Sauvignon

A wine that is dark, dense, muscular and yet full of ripe black fruits and a touch of oak. Perfect to drown out the screaming of 2 billion teenagers … and to understand the lyrics of Yellow Submarine.

Merry Christmas Everyone – Slade (1973)

The big one – the all-round, Le Grand Fromage – a Christmas perennial that is without fail the first Christmas song played each December on the radio/Alexa/digital device/YouTube thingy … Ahh, the sweet, elegant, lilting falsetto that is The Noddy Holder ushers in the festive period like 5 tonnes of musical Gravel dropped on your newly tiled kitchen floor. Mr Holder – we salute you. Such is the power of this festive tune; it is ingrained like a tic upon the inner thigh of the UK. We all know the words, we all know the chorus – like the Titanic steaming towards the iceberg, we all know what happens at the end. Christmas happens.

Wine partner - Pocas 20yo Tawny Port, ½ bottle

They say good things come in small doses – if so, then this absolutely delicious, mellow, nut and raison complex beauty will keep you spellbound all the way to Noddy’s finale. This is a wine of immense richness, yet is delicate, complex and very, very, VERY moreish. Probably the biggest Port bargain on our list.

Mull of Kintyre – Wings (1977)

Now, at this juncture I need to admit something. In 1977 I was living on the Mull of Kintyre. Borderline feral, we lived for a time in a remote Shepherds cottage way up in the hills overlooking Loch Fyne. The cottage had no TV signal and very patchy radio, a fact that meant we were unaware of the smash hit from wee Paul McCartney and his Wings.  Why include it on a Christmas hit list?  2 reasons – firstly, it is the only Christmas Number One that features bagpipes – a musical instrument of such Marmite-like iconoclastic majesty, that I felt it my duty to include Scotland’s national noisemaker somewhere on this playlist, and secondly, Linda McCartney introduced my mother to Vegetarian food.  I never forgave her (Linda, not my mother). Thank the Lord for the bagpipes.

Wine partner – Verdejo, Oro de Castilla, Rueda, Spain

Suitable for Vegans and Vegetarians, this is a cult classic Spanish wine, sourced from the depths of Lockdown, and exclusive to House of Townend. It is crisp, zesty and precise, loaded with mineral, lime, citrus and faint almond nut characters in much the same way as Sancerre, but considerably cheaper and a perfect partner to smoked salmon, roast turkey and Full Octane Bagpipes.

St Winifreds School Choir – Grandma (1980)

It was all going so well – a playlist of general festive mediocrity, but so far containing nothing of any great musical dubiousness. Until now. This ‘song’ could grate more cheese than a professional grater. It left you wondering on the sanity of those who bought the single, and the obvious dismay of all the thousands of Grandmothers who had to sadly unwrap it on Christmas day, then listen to it, played over and over on a tinny record player, often accompanied by the beaming parental offspring at her feet. At this point, most Grandmas would be reaching for the Leibfraumilch, a wine that had almost as much saccharin as the Winifreds Choir.

Wine partner - Riesling, Kuki estate, Marlborough, New Zealand

A wine of no saccharin, but precision and elegance. Riesling has come a long way since 1980, and this proves, yet again, why top wine critics and journalists, when asked to name a wine they really enjoy, inevitably choose Riesling. This beautifully balanced, zingy, lime sherbet and citrus infused dry Riesling comes from the fertile gravel beds of Marlborough in new Zealand’s South Island. It’s perfect as an aperitif or accompanies canapes, shellfish and roast chicken – in fact it will partner almost the entire Christmas dinner, and still have enough oomph to go with the box of Quality Street that grandma keeps hidden down the sofa.

Save Your love for Me – Renee and Renato (1982)

As if we hadn’t suffered enough in 1980, and following on the heels of The Falklands and The Iranian Embassy Siege, we have a pair of Italian lovers singing falsetto into oversized microphone with more enthusiasm and passion than legally required. He had a dubious moustache and looked as suspect as a second-hand Leonardo, whilst she had obviously indulged in Prosecco from an early age. Noise-blocking earphones had just been invented, so perhaps there was light at the end of the tunnel.

Wine Partner – Maso Franch Bianco, Cantine Lavis, Trentino, Italy

This is a wine that is the liquid opposite of Renee – an elegant, sophisticated and deliciously moreish dry Italian made from the native Manzoni grape, with notes of almond green apples and integrated oak. Think Pinot Grigio for those who are tired of insipid supermarket Italians and you get what I mean. If not, I’ll send Renee and Renato to your house for NY.

Mistletoe and Wine – Cliff Richard (1988)

There are some things that are traditional at Christmas – roasting chestnuts, Bing Crosby (White Christmas was a number One in 1942, 43 and 44, but only in the USA.), Roast Turkey, The Kings Speech and of course Cliff. Mistletoe and Wine was arguably his greatest Christmas hit, and remains a mainstay of singalongs at Old Folks Homes even to this day. When I get to that age, I shall be quite happy to join in, as long as they keep my glass full.

Wine partner – House of Townend Claret 2020

This brand-new addition to our ‘House’ range is superlative. I know a lot of wine merchants boast of their ‘House Claret, Ordinary Claret, Decent Claret etc or suchlike labelling … ours however, is Extra Ordinary Claret! We sought out the great 2020 vintage for this initial offering, and have made a supple, elegant, sumptuous, black fruit and cedar infused claret that is decent down to the very last drop. It is a very, very good drop – I recommend this wholeheartedly.

Band Aid – Do they Know it’s Christmas? (1984)

This was a turning point in so many ways for so many lives. A great song, a great movement and a great message. Who could ever forget Freddie Mercury doing Radio GaGa during Live Aid – the whole world clapped as a single unit, the whole world had a single message. ‘Do They Know it’s Christmas?’ was an eclectic fusion of Bob Geldof and Midge Ure, featuring the likes of Boy George, Bono, Paul Young and George Michael and raised £100m for famine relief and sold a million copies in its first week – bearing in mind that was physical sales – not a download in sight.

Wine Partner – Jonty’s Duck, Pekin Red, Avondale, South Africa

In much the same way as the song was an eclectic fusion of different parts, so this multigrape blend has the same eclectic fusion – blending Cab Franc, Cab Sauv, Petit Verdot, Malbec and Syrah into a rich, fruit-driven, joyful, seamless and complex red of intoxicating natural beauty. It’s Bio-Dynamic and Organic to boot and comes from a family estate that has done much to make other lives better.

Somethin’ Stupid – Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman (2001)

This came from nowhere, like a heat-seeking ferret with a mission to steal Christmas hearts.  From Robbie’s well sung ‘Songbook’ Album, and featuring Tom Cruise’s ex-wife, this shows that, perhaps, there was hope for the 2000’s when it came to music and Christmas. It was a big production, and had lots of ‘Big Band’ sounds and is still considered by some to be one of the best things that has come out of Stoke on Trent since the A50 was built.

Wine Partner - #22, Saperavi 2018, Geroge Solomnishvili – Georgia

Just like Robbie and Nicole’s dulcet and richly resonant duet, this big hearted and generous red is equally as deep and fulfilling – showing all the black fruits, hearty structure, oak and hedonistic power of Georgian Saperavi by the bushy-bearded and intense man that is George Solomnishvili. If George could dance, he would have been bigger than Robbie in Take That.

Perfect – Ed Sheeran (2017)

Well, when it comes to Christmas, Mr Sheeran had to have a song out at some point, seeing as he has dominated the charts since he came to fame. In 2017 this became one of the fastest downloads of all time and stayed at the top of the charts for many weeks. Perfect for Ed, perfect for his fans, perfect for his bank balance and perfect as a way of affording his new wine estate in Tuscany.

Wine partner – Hautes Cotes de Beaune Rouge 2020, La Perriere, Denis Carre – Burgundy

Well, it was a toss-up between a Tuscan red and Burgundy, and this is a wonderfully exotic, complex and fresh Pinot from the tiny brother and sister domaine of Denis Carre. Wonderfully fragrant, perfumed Pinot, showing depth and the sweet ripe structure and suppleness of the amazing 2020 vintage. Perfect with beef, turkey, pork, Venison – you name it, it’s Perfect with it (did you see what I did there…?)

I Love Sausage Rolls – Ladbaby (2018)

The fight against blatant commercialism seems to be turning, as highlighted by the wave of Ladbaby songs that have beaten the established musical artists of the time. Fair Game is what I say! This, the theme tune for Greggs, purveyors of all things pastry and ‘sausage’, even the Vegan ones (to allow for fairness in our marketing, we admit other bake shops are available).

Wine partner – Julienas ‘Les Mouilles’ 2022, Domaine Pardon, Beaujolais

A decent drop and perfect with the spice of sausage meat, canapés and all the trimmings that accompany almost every festive meal. Ripe, dark and surprisingly full, made from low-yielding Gamay grapes grown near the village itself. On the palate it is borderline Pinot Noir, such is its ripe red and black fruits and hint of spice.  A worthy medal winner.

 

Last Christmas – Wham (2023)

This song was originally going to be number one in 1984, but was beaten for the top spot by Band Aid’s ‘ Do They Know it’s Christmas?‘ and only reached number one in 2023 – well worth the wait I say! The George and The Andrew made a classic, the theme tune to almost every staff party and Christmas singalong ever since 1984 – and I could even excuse them the cheesy Christmas jumpers they wore in the video. Almost.

Wine partner - Cuvee Prestige Red, Domaine Skouras, Peloponnese, Greece

Greece makes more than just good singers – so here is my salute to all things Greek; the wonderfully ripe, rich and nuanced red from Domaine Skouras, a family domaine situated in the Peloponnese. Blended from Cabernet Sauvignon and Aghiorighitiko, sourced from low yielding vines that struggle for survival on the limestone and marl slopes around the winery. In style it is like a cross between a complex Douro red and a bright claret, rounded out by time in large oak barrels. Perfect with a good cheeseboard.

 

So, there’s just one thing left to say and that is ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’!

Neil Goldie
Director & Prestige Accounts

 

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